Remember but not hurt anymore

 Selama ini aku sudah berusaha banget melupakan yang lalu-lalu. Masa-masa bahagia nan semu yang pernah ada itu sesekali masih datang silih berganti. Kupikir aku sudah berhasil melanjutkan hidupku, tapi disini di Bandung tahun 2024, di kamar hotel aku kembali dapat menceritakan semua cerita kenangan tentang aku dan dirinya. Kenangan-kenangan lama tentang apa yang pernah dilalui disini kembali menyeruak ke dalam ingatan. Kali ini hatiku tidak terasa sakit justru aku merasakan jantung berdebar karena senang. Masa-masa itu tenyata tetap menjadi masa yang bahagia bagiku. Sekarang di jam 1 pagi ini aku memiutar lagu kenangan kita dan membiarkan pikiranku berlari ke dalam ingatan masalaluku dengan dirimu. Aku bisa merasakan jantungku berdegup kencang karena ternyata aku masih menyukai semua momen kebersamaan itu. 🥰


Mandarin Dramas

 I want to write about Mandarin dramas that caught my attention in this 2020. My first Mandarin drama that I watched is Meteor Garden. Actually this not Mandarin drama, it’s Taiwanese drama, but their language is little bit similar. I know that in Tiongkok there is different type of Mandarin languages; there is Mandarin hokkien, Mandarin and Mandarin Taiwanese. I don’t know much about this so please correct me if i’m wrong. So, I already put interest in Mandarin dramas since long ago. I must admitted that Mandarin dramas plot is predictable. It always about love, family, workplace, friends and revenge. But, lately I found that the story starts to change a little bit. There is still friendship, love, family and workplace romance but there no more evil mother in law, there no more obsessive second lead female or annoying second lead male. The story become smooth and the ending become clear as sky. This make me become Mandarin dramas lovers during stay at home time.

So, I want to make a list that there is a lot of cute, funny, exciting Mandarin drama that you can see to waste your time or maybe to complete your hobby. Ok, i’ll start now.

1. Le Coupe de Foudre 5/5

2. Love O2O 5/5

3. A Love so Beautiful 5/5

4. Meteor Garden 2018 5/5

5. Skate into Love 5/5

6. My Unicorn Lady 5/5

7. Count Your Lucky Star 5/5

8. My Love, Enlighten Me 5/5

9. Way Back Into Love 5/5

10. Boss and Me 5/5

11. When a Snail Falls in Love 5/5

12. Go Go Squid 5/5

13. Put Your Head on my Shoulder 4/5

14. Time Teaches me to love 4/5

15. I Can Hear You 4/5

16. Flavors is Yours 4/5

17. About Love 4/5

18. Intense Love 4/5

19. The Love Equations 4/5

20. The Best of You in my mind 4/5

21. Midsummer is Full of Love 4/5

22. Sweet Taichi 4/5

23. The Romance of Tiger and Rose 4/5

24. My Girlfriend is an Alien 4/5

25. Girlfriend 4/5

26. My Girl 4/5

27. Please Love Me 4/5

28. Mr. Honesty

29. You Are My Destiny 4/5

30. Forget You Remember Love 4/5

And I think the list can grow long than this. I will update every time I watch a good Mandarin dramas.





Dynamite

I never into BTS song. Why? Because I think their song not so catchy to my ears. 
Yes, they write many good songs with deep lyrics but the music not really touch my taste.
After a while, I heard their song called Boys With Love. This song and the music is soooo eargasm. 
I love it. Listening this song made your body moves without you realize it. You just wanna dance with random movement and jumping around your room. I totally fall to this song. 

But am I become their fans? Well, I don’t think so. I appreciate their music and like one of their song but that not turn me to become an Army (a fans base name for BTS). After one year or a couple of months, i’m not quite sure because i’m not their fans, this group realese a new song called Dynamite.

Welll, I fall for this song. I just can’t stop play this song on repeat today. I’m still not BTS fan but every time I listen to these two songs it boost my moods. It make me feel energize and want to do some crazy dance. Oh and I just check the song lyrics and it’s quite nice. There a deep message in their lyrics that make me feel never give up.

Anyway, this is the MV that I saw at YouTube. I’ll put the link here so you can see them and hear their song. Dynamite Jjang! BTS daebak!
Maybe later I will talk about their members in here but let me know them first. 





Yours

Lately i love to listening Korean song. I love Kpop song for a long time and i stop listen to those music for awhile but i start to listening again since last year. Actually, i don't want to write it in here but this song is really eargasms.

The title is YOURS. Park Chan Yeol x Raiden x Lee Hi x Changmo. Okay, i don't know anything about Raiden or Changmo (i'm sorry, i'll find out about you guys) and Lee Hi (sometime i hear her name and i think i ever listen to her songs but i forget the title, some drama use her song as their soundtrack) but, Park Chan Yeol i know him best. He is a member of EXO - Korean singer under SM Entertainment - and he is a talented person. He is able to sing, rap, play musical instrument (you name it, he is able to play guitar, drum, piano, and i think he is able to play another instrument but i just don't know it), he can write song, arrangement the music, he is an actor and he also a brand ambassador. Plus, he is handsome and tall, and his voice, ooh my, you listen first and i think you'll love it just like me, i falling in love to his voice. Manly voice. 😍

So, i follow him on Instagram and he rarely update, but yesterday he just update that his song will release yesterday evening, so i check it on Youtube. I really hard to like a song that not easy to listen and bring me those happy feeling, but his song just make me head over heels. I love it! The music is really catchy, his voice and Lee Hi voice is blend nicely. If Raiden and Changmo are the person that playing the keyboard and the guitar, so i need give them a credit to, they made everything to the right places. And the MV, what should i say, is 10 out of 10. You guys can tell the opposite opinion, no hurt feeling for me, i just write my opinion here. This is the first time i see Chan Yeol face so calm and a little bit show you some lonely feeling, even the smile. His smile always capture my heart.



Okay i know you must be wandering about the MV now, even about the song. Here is the MV. Enjoy it and write your comment bellow.


🥰😘🥰😘

KDrama Review - Chocolate (2020)



Title : Chocolate
Even the title seem legit. Yum!
Release Date : November 29, 2019 - January 18, 2020
Runtime : Friday - Saturday, 23.00
Episode : 16 
Language : Korean

Who doesn't like Greece? Beautiful place with exquisite view. Blue sea, exotic houses, delicious food and extraordinary beach make you want to stay or even live there forever.
This drama is not about Greece but yes, they have some scenes took it in Greece. 
If you like Korean Drama not too romance but have good story line, full of sweetness and sorrow, human kind and friendship, trust me you will like this.

When i first watch this drama, i just focus to the food because this drama is about a chef and a doctor.
Female main lead is Ha Ji Won, as a chef that have painful childhood memories, she grew up as a women that need hospitalized every time she got panic attack.
In the hospital, she meet Yoon Kye Sang (male main lead). He is a surgeon doctor in there. He also grew up with painful childhood memory, his mom died in the accident leave him alone with his father family that doesn't love him. 

Moon Cha Young (Ha Ji Won) meet Lee Kang (Yoon Kye Sang) for the first time when they're young. Lee Kang live in a small village with his mom and want to be a cook like his mom. Moon Cha Young don't want to be a child model and she run away from her hotel and end up in front of Lee Kang restaurant. She is hungry and Lee Kang ask her to stay for breakfast. They made a promise to meet again during lunch time but Moon Cha Young can't make it. While Lee Kang wait for her, his family from his father side is come and ask his mother to bring Lee Kang to live with them in Seoul.
A year past, Cha Young came back to full fill her promise to Lee Kang, but nobody live there.

Take place in 2018, When they meet again, Lee Kang not remember her, but Cha Young recognize Lee Kang right away and falling for him. While Cha Young gather his courage to confess, Lee Kang is sent to be a volunteer doctor to Middle East Asia and he almost died there. Cha Young feeling broken when she heard that Lee Kang is on comma and while she kept waiting for him to return, Lee Kang best friend is care for her. After a few months, Lee Kang best friend confess his feeling for Cha Young and even Cha Young said she already have some one that she love, the man still ask her to be his girlfriend. Cha Young accept him out of pity not love. When the man want to propose her, Lee Kang is there, he is back to life and came back to Korea. Cha Young already said yes when she saw love of her life standing there, encourage his best friend, to propose to her. 

Until here, is the review make you want to watch about this drama?
What will happen to Cha Young and Lee Kang?
Will Lee Kang know that Cha Young is the girl that he waiting to have lunch when they're young?
If you still not interested i can't say any longer, because for me, i learn a lot of things from this drama. Life is not fair, life can make you miserable, your family some time can ignore you and doesn't care for you, but you still can stay strong with love that you receive. If your family or lover can't give you love, you still can receive love from your friends, your coworker, your surroundings, your jobs and yourself. 

Beside of the storyline that i will give 10/10.
The chemistry between the main lead is good. 
Even the other actors played their role amazingly.
If you want to watch this, please keep tissue next to you. 
Some part will cut your heart and the others part will heal you.
Also, the OST from this drama is super good, i love them.
I will share one of my favorite here.
The main lead sing this and they're sing really nice.







Healing Songs


I already mention it in the previous, that 2020 is not everybody year. Pain, sickness, loneliness, desperation, cry, poverty, people lose their job, people lose their home and lots of sorrow. This happen because of the virus, this virus make all the human stay at their home, can't meet their love one, social distancing, physical distancing and some of them feeling crazy bored in their home and the others feel lonely. 

In my case, i feel extremely bored. Bored to death, now i know what it's mean. When my heart is restless, scare about my job or my future, i know i need to stop this feeling. I need to stop overthinking and need to do some positive activity. 

My first reaction is pray. Praying never fails you. But, when i'm to tired to pray, to tired to speak in tongue and my mind keep worry, i start to sing. I start to listening praise and worship songs. While i'm sing about HIS glory, about HIS love, about HIS kindness, about how mighty HE is, about how powerful He is and more, i start feel calm. My faith is increase and i'm no longer feel anxious about everything.

So, this is a list of my healing songs, take your time to hear this and pray. I hope that you will find peace in HIM. 

1. Way Maker - Leeland

2. What a beautiful name / Tremble - Anthem Lights

3. It Is Well - Anthem Lights

4. In Christ Alone - Anthem Lights

5. I Surrender All - Anthem Lights

6. Worthy is The Lamb

7. God so Loved

8. Watashi de naku anata ga - The Calling x Live Church Worship (this is a Japanese worship song) 

9. Inochi no Hi no Kagiri / Kau yang layak - JPCC x Live Church Worship

10. Blessed Be The Name of The Lord / I am The God That Healeth Thee - Don Moen

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Psalm 103:20 KJV

2020, Ready or not?

HAPPY 2020!!!!!

Three years already past so fast and i can't imagine i still breath and laugh every single day without him. Lots thing happen in these past three years. New job, new phone, new clothes but not new boyfriend or not even a new guy come to my life.

Long story short, He (my first love, one and only name that always come from my mouth in every situation of my life - yeah i know, i'm sucks!) is married! Am i happy for him? Honestly, NOT! How can i say that i'm happy for him, while he married other women? well, but his life come pretty well. He had a child now. I hope his life always full of blessing and happiness, even i'm not happy for him. Hahaha

The another man, the one that look the same - never laugh, never smile, never lead, never do normal things - yep, the man that made me start this blog. He is fine. I don't know anything about his life anymore and i'm grateful for that. Well, sometime... only sometime, i think about him. I think what will gonna happen if we still close to each other? Is he will ask me to be his...? nah.. i don't want to write it down here. Such a cliche, i know the answer is no. Why bother tho'? So my love life is empty now. Ah, i tried to join some dating apps but never work well. I wonder, is there still a nice and normal guy in this world? A real gentlemen, a man who do everything to pursue the girl he like or it only exist in Korean drama?

So, in this 2020, life is hard. There a virus name Covid-19, yeah the name is so last year but the effect is real. Because of this virus, every people need to stay at home or work from home or school from home. While me, as an assistant teacher it's mean i only stay and do nothing at home. It almost make me sick and miss the outside world. Can you imagine i already stuck in the house for two months??? I miss my students, i miss my job, cutting, creating, pasting, coloring, do everything with the children.

Thanks to this virus and my boredom, i check again this blog and find myself laugh out loud when i read all this silliness i wrote. So, i will write more often now. I will write everything that i like during this pandemic motto #stayathome. I will show you the new me! Bye my first love and bye my silliness. Please never come again to my life and soon, bye covid-19. I pray you never come back!

14 02 2013, 01.30 WIB

Malam itu aku berada dikamarku sendirian.
Setelah tiga jam mengobrol melalui telepon dengan temanku dan setelah sibuk mencari alasan untuk tetap menjadi perempuan single dan happy, aku termenung beberapa saat.
Single. Not in relationship. But still a happy woman and full of love.
Dimana letak salahnya?
Mungkin tidak ada. Tapi seperti yang diketahui, untuk para perempuan di negara ketiga, kehidupan pernikahan sebelum berumur 30 tahun adalah hal penting.
Tiba-tiba aku merasa sepi dan membutuhkan seseorang untuk mengalihkan pikiranku dari kata pacaran, tunangan, pernikahan, kehidupan berumah tangga, istri dan ibu.
Aku membuka handphoneku, melihat nama-nama semua kontak telepon dan berharap ada yang masih dapat menemaniku.
Ah, ada satu. Nama dia. Orang yg sibuk menonton sampai tengah malam sepertiku.
Jadi kuputuskan untuk menyapanya. Jam menunjukkan 23.45 wib.

Lima belas menit kami berkirim pesan tanpa ada arah percakapan yg jelas. Hanya membahasa dari satu topik ke topik yang lain. Saat jam di handphone menunjuk ke angka 00.00 wib, aku mengingatkannya bahwa ini adalah hari kasih sayang. "Bukankah kau harus mengucapkan ucapan happy valentine's day kepada pacarmu?" tanyaku.

"ah, ya. kau benar." jawab dia.
Dia tidak mengirim pesan untukku beberapa saat dan kami kembali bercerita saat angka di handphoneku menunjuk ke 00.20 wib. Percakapan semakin tak tentu arah. Hal-hal tabu juga dibicarakan dan mengingat bahwa dia akan bekerja di pagi hari jadi kusudahi percakapan absurd ini.
Pukul menunjukkan 01.30 wib dan aku menuliskan "besok kau masih harus kerja kan? yasudahlah. Tidur gih."
Saat itu aku tak mengharapkan apa-apa. Tidak menantikan apa-apa yang dapat membangkitkan kenangan lama tentang dia.
Namun, dia menuliskan hal ini, "yowes." dan disusul dengan kalimat ini, "Happy valentines day, ..." Apa ini? pikirku. Kenapa dia selalu menunjukkan kebaikan tak penting padaku.
Aku membalas ucapannya dengan kata-kata yang sama, namun kata-kata darinya mungkin tak akan pernah kulupakan sepanjang hidupku. Ini kata-kata selamat hari kasih sayang kedua yang dia ucapkan untukku. Kata-kata dari kisah laluku. Kata-kata dari dia yg kini telah menjadi temanku. Hanya saja, yang kutakutkan diriku jdi memilik harapan lebih kepadanya. Padahal pikirku sudah cukup jika dia menjadi temanku. Aku tidak mau serakah.

Juni

Juni 2017

Kupikir sudah saatnya menutup kisah ini.
Awalnya aku juga tidak menyangka bahwa ini harus berakhir. Kupikir ada saatnya kisah ini bisa berlanjut. 

Sisi melankolis menarikku hari ini.
Biasanya dia tidak menjauhiku separah ini. Tapi hari ini dia beranjak setiap kali aku duduk di dekatnya.

Ah, seandainya aku tahu akan sesakit ini, mungkin aku tak akan memulai.
Namun, bukan penyesalan namanya jika ia datang di awal.

Semuanya akan memudar seiring waktu. Aku berharap seperti itu.
Semoga aku baik-baik saja.